A dear friend sent me this article and I think it’s an excellent read and a great follow up to the last couple of posts I’ve made. Let me know what you think.
And thank you, Renae, for sending it to me!!
God wants to mend these deep hurts within you, but it takes effort on your part, too.
Source: Open the Door to Immediate Soul Wound Healing With This Strategy — Charisma News
It’s always darkest before the dawn
But where has all the sunlight gone?
Where hope once stood, so tall and proud
She’s shrunken now, lost in the crowd
Love and joy, kindness peace
They all take wing and beg release
Heartache prospers, tears do fall
This wasn’t in the deal at all
My words they fall on concrete ears
While I alone drown in my fears
That what I dreaded has come true
My heart that beats, beats just for you
And yet you try to look away
With every word that I don’t say
I know that I’m the one to blame
Yet all that changes stay the same
I in my world, alone am I
My chosen path, don’t even try
And still the strength it rises still
I will, I will, I will, I WILL
Not for you and not for me
But for another, my world to thee
I don’t know how or when or where
I’m always on my way to there
So for the things you’ve taught me now
I will not fall, I will not bow
Purposes, mine, and deep they stay
I’m not alone, I still can pray…
©Phoenix Rising/All Out War
Well, I just trashed another post that was nearly three thousand words long and would have bored you to tears. While I, wallowing in self pity and and an undying desire to sort through the trash pile that IS my mind, dared to make sense of all the crap that I have to go through sometimes.
I’m hurting. That’s all.
So I trashed it. Why lay a foundation for something else that might come back to bite me someday? No, I rather don’t want to have to possibly add anything else to what I already have to deal with. I already doubt so very many things…
Why, I even read an article today that said that we don’t all get to come out of the lion’s den! So I’ve spent the last two hours in tears, wondering how – with that line of thinking – can I ever actually pray and BELIEVE, like the Bible says that I’m suppose to? If that’s the case, how am I suppose to pray and have any kind of expectation, any kind of assurance that there’s something better than what I’ve been going through?
<sigh>
I started this blog over a year ago with the intent to write out my frustrations and vent and tell my story and maybe find some peace through that process. And yet I’ve shared nothing, not really. Probably never will. I don’t share in real life and I guess some things never change.
Why?
Well, because it doesn’t do any good. At least not for me. Whether I share or don’t, everything I’ve ever done or said or thought wrong still plays like a snippet of a movie trailer that’s stuck on repeat in my mind, every day and every night, without fail. Oh, I never let it show. But it’s a relentless reminder that I’m certainly not perfect, a constant devil on my shoulder that always tells me that I deserve whatever hell I’m going through. Reminding me, always reminding me…
I guess I really am my own worst enemy.
So every time someone “catches” me feeling bad – and that’s something that doesn’t happen if I can possibly help it – I nod and agree with all the affirmations of “it will get better, just give it time” or “things could be worse” or “you’ll feel better after such and such”. Life is a roller coaster, I know there will come a time, and sometimes I wait for it anxiously while other times I feel like it will never come.
But, as a wise lady once said, tomorrow IS another day. I’ll tear down the drapes, make the most beautiful wrap for my outer person I possibly can, and never let another living human being know that there was ever a tear shed…
Because I am nothing, if not strong.
All Out War! 