There are days when homeschooling a teenage girl can be really rough.
On BOTH of us!
Some days are great. We get up on time, get right into the day and sail smoothly through the days lessons and sometimes even get in a bit more than we were bargaining for.
We don’t ever have to worry about snow days or weather delays and we don’t take trivial days off for “professional development”…and since we don’t have those, we can actually finish the school year a little earlier than public school.
Those days are great. But they aren’t all like that.
Some days, one or both of us feel like crap. You know, girls get that way more often than guys anyway <wink wink>. And on those days, we just can’t help it. Things aren’t going to go well but we have to trudge through anyway.
Some days I feel like a complete loser, like nothing I do or say comes out right and there’s always the looming question, “Was this really the right decision for her?”
I know that it was, deep in my heart, and even at the suggestion of her therapist, so really, it IS the best decision.
Then there are days when she has a worse day than me. Maybe she failed a test or a quiz, or maybe she didn’t understand the information being taught. And she’s so hard on herself. There have been tears…on both sides.
It’s on those days that she gets really upset that I wish I could just let her see herself through my eyes, just one time, for just a few minutes. On those days, I wish I could link her heart to mine and feel it break for her the way it does when she’s sad. On those days, I wish I could scoop her into my arms like I did when she was so young and just make it all better.
But I can’t. No matter how much I wish and hope, I know I can’t.
But I tell her anyway. I try to give her the guidance that she needs to see that it isn’t as bad as it feels in the moment.
I remember being 15. I remember being harder on myself than anyone else ever could. I remember the expectations I had of myself, even though I didn’t think I could live up to them.
Oh how I remember.
And I try to let that be a guide for me in talking to her. But then…I didn’t listen to my mother at that age either. I wish I had, it would have saved me so much heartache.
Hind sight IS 20/20, after all, right? That’s where all those songs come into play that have lyrics like, “If I’d only known then what I know now…”
Man, it stinks to know what they’re going through all the while knowing that nothing you say will really stick until later in life.
But maybe that’s why we say it anyway. Because someday, it hopefully will stick. Maybe someday it will come in handy. It sure is better than not saying anything at all.
And so, we keep going, day after day. She SO smart, and I know that she will finish her high school years with top grades.
I know, because I did, and she’s waaaaay smarter than I was. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is, and she will know it one day. She’s modest to the point that, maybe to her, it would seem arrogant to believe in her worth. But, until she’s able to, I’m going to believe in her enough for the both of us.
She’s the gift that God gave to me and I pray that I can do half the job, just HALF THE JOB, that I want to do in my heart.
Still…sometimes homeschool is hard on both of us.